Last night Dave and I "had it out" so to speak. Not in an angry way, but in a lots of crying way. after meeting the mistress yesterday for breakfast.... I just kinda fell apart. The realization of the situation hit me in a hard way. The other day I was talking to my hubby about how exciting it is, that our 20 month old is only 4 months away from starting preschool where all his other brothers have gone. I was looking forward to catching some naps. I WAS looking forward to 20 month olds, milestones. But i just can't get excited about that. For some reason i'm associating him getting older with the impending birth of the mistress's baby. A baby of which i'll be taking care of full time. Hubby's only concern is financial. I looked at him and asked him if he's bothered to think about the emotional toll this will have on all of us and he admitted that he hadn't *sigh*.
My hands are so full as it is, i have no idea how another baby will fit into all of this, our schedule, our lives, our house... our hearts.....
Since giving our oldest a basic overview of the situation.. his behavior has been horrible. he says he's not bothered, doesn't want to talk about it, but his behavior says otherwise. I'm again in a postition where i feel like i'm the only one who cares how all of this plays out.
Today the 20 month old gets to move his car seat forward facing, it's supposed to be sad and exciting, but instead it's just sad. One more step closer to NOT being done raising children.
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