Child custody agreement

What does one put in a child custody agreement when they are in the uniqe situation we're in?

I tried to google a list of what we should be putting into the custody agreement, and if you can believe it, i could not find a list out there (might have to make one tomorrow with the help of a few friends).

My situation is unique in that it's not talked about often. My hubby conceived a child with another woman. A co-worker. It came to a head last july. A week after finding out about the affair, we found she was pregnant. My world came crashing down around me. We had just made it through some of the most hellish times of our lives and I thought we had come out stronger, I thought we had beaten the odds that had been stacked against us for (at that time) 8 yrs. I was wrong.

She is 33 yrs old. She still works with my hubby although differant departments. She was due march 28th, but they moved her up to March 23rd, and she's measuring big. So she may go even earlier than that. My life will be changed forever the day she gives birth. It's not supposed to be like this, I"m not supposed to be soo scared of some baby entering the world, to be scared of a woman who before July of 2008, i had no idea existed. It's not right that this woman has a hand in the way my life will play out. How my children's lives will be.

Tonight I had to take the step of writing up some sort of custody agreement a first general draft . It took me ALL day. It was soo hard. Writing that 2 page email was one of the hardest things I've done. It made the whole situation sooo REAL. For the first hour I worked on it, my hands shook. Scared doesn't explain how I felt, but terrified does.

It's done now, and sent to her. Who knows what will happen next. I PRAY she will just accept the terms and she'll step up and be a good parent, and we'll spend the next 18 yrs, sharing custody. Doing the best we all can.

I was told by someone, that this may be God giving me the chance to raise the daughter I've always wanted. I don't know how to feel about that statement. I"m so torn and conflicted most of the time.

I know I can love her
I know I can treat her as my own

But more than that comes into play.

I don't know if I can deal with her mother for the next 18 yrs. (Don't even think of suggesting my hubby deal with her, his nuts shrivel anytime she's in the vicinity).
I don't know if i can deal with the questions that are going to come from her and my own children about how she came to be in our lives.

Not knowing things is the worst for me, I hate not being on control and it feels like the last 3 yrs of my life have been out of my control. That doesn't set well with me. I HATE that feeling. It throws me off balance. I need to get re-balanced.

But with things going the way they are, my opportunity to get the balance I need is a long ways away.

*sigh*

What is the best thing for all the children involved?? That is what is important.

BUt it's hard to know what the answer is.

I don't want drama, I don't want conflict. It won't help anyone in this situation at all.

It's 2:30 am... I should be sleeping, but tonight sleep just isn't coming. Too much stess? Anxiety?
Probably both.